Be Still and Know

It's been an incredibly long time since we put out an update, about a year and half if you look back. Part of me was ready to let go of this, especially as more and more time has past, but, for whatever reason, I've felt so convicted to write. I prayed that God would give me the time to set aside, and a clear enough mind, if this was truly something he wanted me to put time into. I didn't expect that prayer to be answered with a case of laryngitis, at 39 weeks pregnant, causing me to take a day off work and sit in silence...but here I am, so we here we go! I'm sure not going to give a detailed account of all the time that's flown by, but I'll try to hit the highlights. 

The Return to (Almost) Normal 

Although COVID related requirements, restrictions, and cancelations held on quite a bit longer out here than they seemed to have where most of you are reading this from, we did start to see a gradual shift back towards life before the pandemic. You can now enter most public places in Bethel (except the hospital) without wearing a mask and travel between villages or to and from Anchorage without jumping through hoops. One of my favorite parts of this return to normal has been the re-emergence of community activities. 

K300

Bethel's big dog sled race was up and running again this year and spectators were allowed, though they were encouraged to remain in their vehicles. Unfortunately, David tested positive for Covid the day of the race, so we had no choice but to remain in our vehicle. We were still able to drive down and watch the start and finish of the race this year though! We were also able to watch the annual fireworks show from the warmth of our truck which I certainly won't complain about. 

Cama-i

After 2 years without it, the Cama-i Native dance festival returned to Bethel this year. The event looked quite a bit different than it did in the past; It was held at the smaller cultural center rather than the high school, masks were required, and tickets were required to limit the number of attendees. But it was still good to see this cultural gathering come back. Colby has never been a big fan of this sort of thing :-p, so he offered to watch David and I was able to attend with 2 of my coworkers. 

NYO

Since we moved here I've treated many junior high and high school students who enjoy participating in NYO (previously Native Youth Olympics). I had a picture in my head of most of the events and had seen the basics demonstrated, however, Colby and I had never had the chance to watch a competition. This year, with the gym again open to spectators, we were able to find a babysitter and spent an evening taking this in. For those of you from the lower 48, you can picture something almost like a track and field competition. NYO is made up of 10 different events and students can participate in 1 or several of these. All of the events are based on games used by past generations of Native Alaskans to test their hunting/fishing skills and to keep themselves strong and prepared for subsistence tasks. The events are not only an extreme display of strength and agility, they're also a lesson in culture. 

One of the events we were able to watch was the Alaskan High Kick. In this event the athlete starts on the ground grasping one foot with the opposite hand. He/she then balances on the other hand while using the other foot to kick a ball suspended in the air above them. One hand must remain in contact with the ground at all times and they must land on the same foot they took off from. The most current high school record I found for this was 86 inches to put it in perspective. 

Another event was the One Hand Reach. Here the athlete suspends all of their weight on one palm (no other part of their body can touch the ground) while they reach to touch a ball suspended over their head with the other arm. The record I found for this event was 64 inches.

4th of July!

The biggest event in Bethel, which had been on hold the past 2 years, was back up and running again! I will say it was definitely not what it once was (which honestly was not all that much haha) but it was so good to see the community out and about again. The day started with the annual Independence Day Parade which ends at Pinky's Park where vendors set up for a carnival like event. Unfortunately this year there were only about 3 food vendors and a very small handful of other things. It was a step in the right direction though, and I look forward to continued growth next year!

Amy's Work

I have been working part time since shortly after the arrival of David, which I like so much. At this point I'm thankful to still be able to use my skills to care for patients and build relationships within the community, but I'm grateful for the extra time at home. I returned to doing village travel about 1x/month and have made several trips to Hooper Bay, Kotlik and Mekoryuk. I look forward to traveling to all of the communities but I have especially enjoyed my trips to Mekoryk this year. Prior to my first trip out in October of 2021, this was not a village Physical Therapy had previously traveled to. Mekoryuk is located on Nunivak Island in the Bering Sea and is notorious for bad weather and canceled flights, but is also unbelievably beautiful when the weather clears. Nunivak is also known for it's reindeer and musk ox herds, and is a popular destination for hunters. I was able to travel to the Island 3 times in the past year and enjoyed every visit. The clinic was incredibly clean and well run and everyone I met was friendly and welcoming. I was blessed with beautiful weather and was able to walk the beach in the evenings, during my fall and spring visits, after seeing patients.

Another very fun work event over the past year was the arrival of Nicole Rayson, who graduated with me from Greenwood. One of our therapists went on maternity leave and we were badly in need of some additional help. We attempted to find this through a traveling company, but no one seemed willing to travel to Bethel. At some point I remembered that Nicole had also gone to PT school, so I reached out to her and she was up for an adventure! She ended up spending 9 months here on an initial 3 month contract (this happens a lot in Bethel ;-) In addition to being an amazing Physical Therapy teammate, she also became below zero early morning running buddy, biking and berry picking friend. It was definitely hard to see her go, but I am also happy to say she recently came back to fill my upcoming maternity leave!   

Colby's Work

God has continued to bless Colby's business in many ways and there is definitely no shortage of work. As is true with most good things, however, there have certainly been some tougher times and challenges. Unfortunately, Colby's initial employee is no longer working with CDS Construction, which did leave a pretty big hole for awhile. Around the time he left I began intentionally praying that God wound send a younger employee that Colby would be able to disciple. In almost immediate answer to my prayer, he sent Mason, who moved to Bethel last year to pursue ministry, but also needed a job. As we continued to pray for dependable workers God also provided Carl and then just last week Carl's cousin Tony! Overall the business continues to be such a great opportunity for Colby to be out and involved in the community, forming relationships with homeowners and employees but it can also be a pretty heavy weight to carry. There is a constant barrage of phone calls/emails and text messages, juggling of jobs dependent on the Bethel weather (which for as long as I can remember has been rain with high winds), dealing with delayed/lost/damaged materials (as everything needs to be shipped from somewhere else), and just the usual responsibilities of managing employees. Prayers would be much appreciated as he continues to balance the demands of work with family time, relationships and ministry. 

Visitors!

In march of this past year Colby's dad and his brother Brenyn made the trek to Bethel! This was not only their first Bethel trip, but it was the first time on a plane for both of them. Definitely not easy travel to choose for a first adventure, but they made it with no problems. David was in his glory having both Pappy and Uncle Brenyn around to play with. We did not have the best of winters, and much of the snow we did have melted just before they arrived. Thankfully though, they did get to experience a few colder days. Brenyn was able to get out for a few snow machine rides and watch Colby catch a Ptarmigan. We were even able to take both of them for a drive on the river to Napakiak.

Brenyn must not have been terribly scarred by his winter trip to Bethel, because he decided to come back and spend a month with us this summer! He flew back up by himself at the end of June and stayed until early July to work with Colby (and spend some time with David...maybe me too). This timing was a huge blessing to Colby as it was during what turned out to be the driest part of this summer when so much outdoor work was able to be done. Keeping up with Colby might have been a bit of a shock for him at first (it would be for pretty much anyone) but Brenyn was a huge help both during business hours and on weekends at our house. He was able to help complete some much needed projects here (like replacing our septic tank...poop tank as David would say) and David soooo much enjoyed having someone else to play with. It really was a great  month for all of us and we were so thankful he could come (except when he was beating us at Dominoes). 

Travel

My favorite little sister had a big birthday this year, so to celebrate and to take advantage of the opportunity to spend some 1:1 time with her before the arrival of another little one, we took a weekend trip together in April. Colby was gracious/brave enough to spend an entire weekend alone with David to allow this to happen. Since we were coming from opposite ends of the country, we met in Bend, Oregon. Colby and I had traveled through Bend on our honeymoon and really enjoyed the area. It's a nice little town with a few downtown shops and restaurants and also very easy access to beautiful hikes and outdoor activities. We hiked many, many miles that weekend, and I will admit we were both just a bit sore afterwards, but it was incredible to have the time to catch up and explore away from the usual responsibilities of home. 

 Colby was also able to step away from work for a bit this spring to allow us to do a little Alaska exploring as a family. My sister and her boyfriend Tim flew up from PA in May and met us in Anchorage to take a drive south to Anchor Point and Homer. Our very good friends (and David's honorary extra set of grandparents) Bonnie and Palmer Bailey, who manage the KYKD Christian radio station here in Bethel, happen to have a house in Anchor Point. They were gracious enough to open their doors and host us for a few days while we spent time in the area. God was soo good, and everything about the trip was perfect. We had beautiful weather and good health the entire time. We took a day each way to drive from Anchorage to Anchor Point and were able to stop at the Alaska Wildlife Conservation Center, to see our friend Derek Black and get caught up on his ministry in Soldotna, go to a church service in Soldotna (also associated with Derek's ministry), to visit Whittier, and to do a short hike outside of Cooper Landing. 

Our stay at Bonnie and Palmer's was an amazing time to relax and recharge. Their home is beautiful and was a short drive from the beaches of both Anchor Point and Homer. One of the highlights of our time was taking a water taxi from Homer to Kachemak Bay State Park. The taxi dropped us off at one end of the Galcier Spit trail/Saddle Trail hike and picked us up later that day at the other end. We packed a lunch (and bear spray) and hiked to the Grewingk Glacier, then finished our trek and were retrieved at Halibut Cove. The entire time was an incredible blessing in so many ways. Thankful for the time to enjoy Gods creation as a family and make some very precious memories. 

Last but not least, early this summer Colby and I both felt that we should try to get David back to PA to visit with some family. Colby was not able to travel during the busy summer months, but I had a weeks worth of days off that needed to be used, so we decided that David and I would make the trip home. God allowed all of the pieces to fall into place perfectly so that we were able to fly back to Pennsylvania with Brenyn after his visit. The trip was fast and filled with family but so very good. David loved seeing cows along the road as we were driving, having all kinds of cats and dogs to play with, and getting to see fire flies for the very first time. 

Changes

This next week in our lives is going to bring some pretty significant changes that we've been anticipating for awhile. On a pretty sad note, for us at least, our very good friends, and my coworkers, Keira and Jesse will be leaving Bethel. They have been such a huge part of our lives here to this point and will definitely leave a hole in more ways than one. One of the other therapists in our department will be stepping up to take Keira's place as manager, so we will be very short staffed for a period of time. If anyone knows a PT who would like to work in Bethel, Ak let them know we are hiring!!! But on a much more personal level, we'll be saying goodbye to our closest friends for the past 5 years, which is still pretty hard to comprehend. We are so very thankful for the time we've had with them, and excited for them as they follow where God is leading next, but goodbyes are still very hard. 

In God's perfect timing, the second change I planned to write about happened before I was able to finish this post, and is currently sleeping on my lap! Micah Lee Spatz made his whirlwind arrival into this world at 8:08 a.m. on Saturday morning. I felt my first contraction at 6 a.m., woke Colby just after 7 a.m., he dropped me off at the hospital on his way to take David to our friends, and 4 minutes after entering the hospital room (unfortunately before Colby was able to make it back) Micah was in my arms. God is sooo good! Both Micah and I are doing great so far and David is enjoying (and adjusting to) his new role as a big brother.

 

Please Pray...

• This past month has brought a number of tragedies to Bethel and left the entire community hurting. Early on the morning of Aug 12th a fire in an apartment complex took the lives of 2 teenage girls and their grandmother. Both of the girls were regular attenders at our King's Kid's children program in the years prior to Covid, so Colby and I knew them well. We do remember both of them accepting Christ at our churches Bible School a few years ago, which is a great comfort, but still an incredibly sad loss. Additionally, on August 30th 3 moose hunters who had left Bethel by boat went missing, initiating search and rescue efforts. Two days later, another hunter who had been staying at a camp near the village of Kalskag, also went missing. Please be praying for the ongoing search and rescue efforts as well as for the families and friends of all of these individuals and the community as a whole.
• Colby and I are again at a transition time in our lives. Obviously we are learning how to be a family of 4, but we are also seeking God's guidance in regards to what ministry should look like for us here in this next phase. Organized ministry has continued to be slow since the pandemic, but most things are starting back up again. There are a number of possibilities and so many needs. We are praying that God will show us exactly where/how he can best use us at this time.
• As I mentioned earlier there are many changes coming our way very quickly. Please pray that we would continue to find our strength/joy in Christ, continue to follow where he's leading, continue to love each other well, and just keep our heads above the water as we go through these next waves.
• Please also be in prayer for Colby's mom. She continues to fight her battle with cancer but has had several very difficult months. She is currently in rehab after having suffered another stroke. Pray that she would continue to regain her strength and independence.    

Final Thoughts

Anxiousness over...pretty much anything...has been a struggle for me for as long as I can remember. Over this past year (several years really) with all of the turmoil within our country and within the world there has often been a feeling of heaviness or vague fear trying to creep into my heart. I remember that feeling being particularly strong the morning that I heard that Russia had begun it's attack on Ukraine. By God's grace when I opened my Bible to my reading for that day it fell on Psalm 46. I'm not going to quote all of it here, I recommend you take a moment and read it, but it was such an encouragement to my heart that day....

"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though mountains be moved into the heart of the sea....The nations rage, the kingdoms totter; he utters his voice, the earth melts. The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress...He makes wars cease to the end of the earth....Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in all the earth!"

How incredible is it to know that in the midst of droughts, floods, wars, political tension and rising interest rates we have a God who is our refuge and who controls the things we can't, with his voice? I hope that if you have a heart that bends toward anxiousness like mine, you will take some time today to be still and know our God is in control and that he will be exalted in all the earth. No matter how bleak circumstances may appear today, not one detail is beyond his reach or out of his control!

A Few More Pictures

We're Still Here!

 Have I really not written since September? Time goes so fast, it hardly seems possible that it's been 6 months. As I look back over these posts, in our first years here I got one out about every 2-3 months, but since David, it looks like my productivity has been cut at least in half. Really, that's how most of life feels right now: I get about half as much done in a day as I used to. Sometimes the goal oriented, achievement driven, side of me gets frustrated when it seems I spend my days off work changing diapers, making food, feeding David, cleaning up food, cleaning up David, and playing on the floor (repeat) while my untouched to-do list sits on the counter. So slowly though, the Lord is teaching me to find purpose and joy in the mundane tasks and the seemingly unproductive days. And he's teaching us as a family to follow his leading during this season of life, to set aside some non-essentials and make room for the most important things. Although there were ups and downs, the last half year has been full, and we've seen God working in so many ways. 

Pennsylvania

Although Covid cases were up on both ends of the travel, we were able to make our usual trip back to PA in the fall. Going home is truly the best kind of vacation. We weren't able to see as many people as we would have liked, but the time with both of our families and a few friends was so good! Because we still very much value the relationships we have at RLMC and the huge roll the church had in equipping us for where we are now, we wanted to have David dedicated there. Although David is named directly after his Great Grandpas, we also love that he shares his name with one of Israel's first kings, who had such a special relationship with the Lord. Our prayer for him is that he will grow into "a man after God's own heart" like David was (Acts 13:22). We're so thankful for the prayers and support of our church family as we do our best to shepherd his little heart in that way.

                      

                                   

Once again our beautifully timed trip allowed for the fun of (smaller than usual) Thanksgiving celebrations with family around a table as well as the joys of hunting with family in the woods. I especially value this time as I am not able to participate in as many fun outdoor activities in AK. Once again God was so good and blessed me with a buck! Not a trophy :-P but I don't think I could have been any happier if it was. Colby was also able to watch his younger brother harvest his first buck this year!

 

Winter Hunting

Colby may not have brought home a PA whitetail, but he's made up for that by far with his Alaskan adventures. In January he reunited with his old coworkers, Francis, Pedro and Carl, and made a trip to the Yukon. The weather was beautiful and clear and they were able to see the northern lights on their way out! Between the 4 of them they brought home 3 moose and had a great time catching up together.

One moose was more than enough to refill our freezer, which allowed us to give away some of the meat. However, since we still knew several people in town who were in need of meat, Colby was more than willing to make a second trip. This time he went with Jesse G. and Jesse E., two good friends from our church, for an overnight camping/hunting venture. It was -20 degrees when they woke up after their night out...and the cold may have been a bit much for Colby's nose. But he filled his second tag and with the help of a little Aloe and Aquaphor (to treat the frostbite) his nose is almost as good as new!

  

Of all of the meat we've tried since our move out here, Musk Ox has been our favorite. These unique looking fur balls also happen to be probably the most sought after game animals in AK. They live in small herds on Nelson and Nunivak Islands here in Western Alaska, on the coast of the Bering Sea. They are desired both for their tasty meat and for their thick, soft, under wool, known as qiviut. This can be combed out, processed and spun into yarn which is used to make all sorts of cozy apparel.

Totally didn't take this picture...but thought it might be helpful

Each year a very limited number of tags are given out to those who desire to hunt these animals. Some are available in the villages closest to the herds, several are awarded through an online raffle, and a few are dispersed from the Fish and Game office here in Bethel. This year, exactly 4 tags were handed out in Bethel. In years past hunters have camped in the fish and game parking lot for up to a weak to be first in line for such tags. This year, however, the night before the tags went on sale came, and only 1 person was sitting in the parking lot. Not wanting to miss such an opportunity, Colby and Francis 

packed some snacks and coffee, spent the night in their trucks in front of the office as well, and purchased their tags!

The most difficult parts of harvesting a musk ox are getting to where they are, and shooting the right one (male or female). On this hunt, Colby happened to have a bull tag, and Francis had a cow tag. Because Francis grew up in Toksook Bay, the village closest to the Nelson Island musk oxen, he had caught several of these in the past and was a perfect guide for Colby. The two set out on a Friday afternoon to make the 135 mile journey by snow machine, and arrived at their destination around 8:30 p.m. The last 10 miles of the trip took about 2 hours due to some mechanical complications and overflow. Because of Covid restrictions, they were not able to enter the village of Toksook. Instead, they camped on the beach of the Bering sea in Francis's ice fishing shanty (see picture above). The next morning they road out to where Francis suspected the herd would be, and after a very quick hunt, came back to their shanty, each with the correct ox in tow. They spent a second night on the beach and made the journey home the next day. The weather was a bit intense for a good part of their ride home (50 mph winds and blowing snow!!). But by Gods grace, once again, they were able to make it home safely and successfully!

 

Last but not least for Colby's adventures this winter, Colby was again blessed to have the opportunity to take our friend Derek (a pastor currently living in the Soldotna area) to the Yukon to harvest a moose for his family.  His trip was a whirlwind again this year, but God allowed all the details to fall into place perfectly. He flew into Bethel on a Thursday evening and began organizing and packing supplies with Colby as soon as his feet were on the ground. The two left for the Yukon on Friday morning, caught a moose, and were back in town in record time by early Friday evening. We spent all of Saturday cutting, grinding and packing. The process was minorly delayed at this point as the meat had frozen solid over night (the temp was around -20 degrees outside), but we were able to defrost it by bringing it all inside, and we had the help of a few good friends which made the work fly by. By Sunday morning he had several totes packed with 260 pounds of meat and headed out of town again around 10:30 a.m.!

My Turn!

My village travel for work came to a halt for a full year after David was born. Although I had loved the opportunity to get out into communities, it was a huge blessing to not have to leave the little man for that period of time. As David turned 1 in January it's time for me to start doing occasional travel again. Prior to the pandemic, our Physical Therapy department only traveled to the 5 larger subregional clinics, however, because patients have not been able to travel as easily to Bethel this year for a variety of reasons, we began making trips to some of the smaller villages as well. This past week I was able to make a 2 day and 1 night trip to the village of Kotlik, my first trip to that village, and my first night away from David. I'll admit I had mixed emotions the whole way through. I was excited to be getting out again, to fly on a plane and to see first hand where some of my patients are from and to see another part of this region. However, at the same time I was dreading being so far from my little person for a night. Colby's feelings were somewhat less mixed, I'd say he was completely dreading taking on full parenting responsibilities for a night. God was soo good though, in every way! I was blessed with beautiful weather and smooth flights. The staff at the clinic was so helpful and I was able to see quite a few patients and meet some wonderful new people. Colby did an awesome job on his own for the night! We were all pretty happy that I made it back right on time, but I'm excited to be stepping back in to this part of my work role up here. 

One Year

Speaking of David turning 1, that did officially happen in January. This truly was one of the fastest years of our life with some of the very longest days! Really though, this new adventure of parenting is terrifying and we often feel like we are just flying by the seats of our pants, but it has been one of the biggest blessings of our entire lives. David has grown into an incredibly active (we have no idea where he gets that from...) and joy filled little boy with such a big personality. We are so excited to see what God has in store for his life, and we continue to covet your prayers as we do our best to raise him in a way that is honoring to the Lord. 

CDS Construction

God has continued to bless Colby's business throughout this last year. Work was steady even through the usually slower winter months and is already beginning to pick up as we move toward spring. Colby has definitely learned a lot throughout the year and made small adjustments along the way, however, overall everything has gone unbelievably well. He is so blessed to be able to work with Francis every day and values him as a dependable coworker, and one of his closest friends. He has also enjoyed building relationships within the community with homeowners, other contractors, and local business owners. This was a questionable year, to say the least, to step out and start a business but we are so very thankful to have seen God's hand at work through the whole process.

Awana

Because Bethel remains very closed due to the Pandemic, and schools have not yet reopened, we were not able to resume our usual King's Kid's program this year. In person ministry opportunities have been limited in general, so we had been praying that God would show us how he would have us best use our time. Sometime in December we were approached by a friend from the local Covenant Church to ask if we would consider temporarily filling a need for leaders for their Awana program, specifically for the Trek (middle school) group, which has continued to meet over Zoom. We prayed about this for a few weeks and both felt that God was calling us to say yes. We had never taught middle schoolers before, and neither of us enjoy doing things virtually, so we were a little hesitant, but we moved forward anyway. So far, we have enjoyed this so much! Our group of kids is small, but they participate well and they're at an age where they understand technology and are much more comfortable with doing things remotely than we even are. We really appreciate the Awana curriculum and the way that each lesson is grounded in scripture, points toward Christ and encourages real action based on God's word. One of the other great benefits to teaching over Zoom is that we can do this from our home after David is in bed! There is only about 1 month left for this year, so we are praying about what doors God might open next and about how he might use this opportunity to shape our future ministry involvement. 

Final Thoughts

This has been another real Alaskan winter, and there has been more snow in Bethel than some say we've had in decades. We have all thoroughly enjoyed the white and the cold, though it has meant battling snow drifts, plugging in cars, piling on soo many extra layers of clothes, and sometimes being stuck indoors while snow and high winds wreaked havoc outside. As I'm writing this the thermometer reads 1 degree, there are still feet of snow visible out the windows, and snow in the forecast almost every day next week. It's still morning though and the sun is already shining, I can see some little birds bouncing around in the trees, and the calendar says we're over half way through March, all sure signs that, although winter is still holding on for dear life, spring is on it's way. 

Life in general feels a little bit like our current transition between seasons. Many people are still hunkered down, lots of things still are not open, masks still have to be worn in our public spaces, and we are now weighing decisions about vaccines, but there's some daylight shining through the windows! Covid cases have been very low in Bethel again, schools are slowly reopening, and there is just more hope in people's voices. 

Even as we anticipate the spring time, there is some concern about the possibility of flooding as these piles of snow and layers of ice begin to melt. Similarly, as we begin to see signs of life as before the pandemic, there is still a sense of apprehension about what may be coming our way in the future. At the start of this new year, amidst all of the uncertainty of what it might bring, a very good friend encouraged me to read Psalm 112. It's only 10 verses, and I highly recommend you all read it for yourselves and spend some time there. I have gone back to the words of this chapter many times over these early months of 2021. Verses 6-8 have been especially encouraging to me:

"For the righteous will never be moved: he will be remembered forever. He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord. His heart is steady; he will not be afraid, until he looks in triumph on his adversaries."  

As we continue to walk forward during these ever changing times, I am so thankful that I do not have to fear bad news! No illness, or mandate, or circumstance is outside of God's control. No matter what comes our way in these next days or months it is so good to be able to trust the Lord with all of the details of this life. 

Prayer Requests

• We would very much appreciate prayers for wisdom as we navigate these next months. It seems like we move from one big decision to another, which I'm beginning to think is just what life is. Our desire is to walk in faith through all the choices.
• Please continue to pray for this community. There is still very much fear associated with the pandemic, but there have also been so many heartbreaking tragedies recently. Pray that more people would come to know Christ and receive the peace and comfort that can only come from him.
• You can also continue to pray for Colby's family, especially his mom. She's tough and doing well, but she recently started chemo again. Pray for healing and God's strength and comfort as she walks through this time.

A Few More Pictures

Unloading groceries before loading us up in Kotlik

Kotlik Sunrise

The Bering Sea near Toksook Bay

View from near the Yukon River on a moose hunt

Snow Monster